Episode 1020 - Sifu Malia Cropper
In this episode, Jeremy sits down and chats with Malia Cropper, about her journey in martial arts, injuries, and the mental health issues and fear that come along with them.
Sifu Malia Cropper - Episode 1020
SUMMARY
In this conversation, Sifu Malia Cropper discusses the challenges and triumphs of martial arts, particularly focusing on the impact of injuries, the mental health aspects of recovery, and the importance of resilience in the face of adversity. Sifu Malia shares her personal journey of overcoming a significant injury that kept her out of competition for three years, the fear that accompanied it, and how she found strength through her love for martial arts and her responsibility to inspire others.
The discussion also touches on the role of mental health in martial arts and the importance of self-acceptance and perseverance. She also emphasizes resilience in the face of adversity, the impact of expectations, and the significance of personal growth. She discusses her experiences with injury, recovery, and the deeper meaning of achieving black belt status, ultimately highlighting the importance of self-love and finding peace in one's journey.
TAKEAWAYS
Sifu Malia emphasizes the importance of mental health in martial arts.
Injuries can lead to significant mental challenges beyond physical pain.
Returning to competition after a long hiatus is a daunting task.
Fear can change one's perspective on training and competition.
The journey of healing is often intertwined with self-discovery.
Martial arts can be a source of identity and purpose.
Sifu Malia feels a responsibility to inspire younger martial artists.
Overcoming adversity requires resilience and determination.
Self-talk plays a crucial role in recovery and motivation.
Sifu Malia's experience highlights the importance of community support in martial arts.
Resilience is built through overcoming adversity.
Injuries can lead to deeper self-discovery and growth.
Expectations from others can weigh heavily on individuals.
Competing is not just about awards, but personal validation.
The journey of martial arts is about self-love and acceptance.
Injury is an inevitable part of the martial arts journey.
Finding peace is more important than achieving happiness.
Little versions of ourselves need to be nurtured and loved.
The heart's intuition should guide our actions.
It's essential to keep pushing forward, no matter the obstacles.
CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction
01:12 The Impact of Tournaments on Health
03:57 Mental Challenges of Injury and Recovery
06:07 Returning to Competition After Injury
09:03 Fear and Its Influence on Training
11:46 The Journey of Healing and Self-Discovery
14:56 Identity and the Role of Martial Arts
17:58 Overcoming Adversity and Finding Strength
20:52 The Role of Mental Health in Martial Arts
23:58 Inspiration and Responsibility to Others
27:35 Resilience Through Adversity
36:25 The Weight of Expectations
43:52 Understanding Injury and Recovery
48:16 The Essence of Black Belt
53:03 Finding Peace in the Journey
Connect with Sensei Malia:
(@mninja_) • Instagram photos and videos
After listening to the episode, it would be exciting for us to know your thoughts about it.
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Show Transcript
Jeremy Lesniak (03:47.874)
Hey, what's going on everybody? Welcome back or maybe welcome for the first time to Whistlekick Martial Arts Radio. My name is Jeremy Lesniak and on today's show I'm joined by Malia Cropper. Malia, thank you for being here. I've been looking forward to talking to you for a while. This is fun. It's kind of overdue, but you know, everything happens in its own time. Now, if you're new to the show, check out whistlekickmartialartsradio.com.
the show notes and the transcripts and all that good stuff for every episode. If you want to see any of the stuff that Lily and I are going to talk about today, I don't even know what that is because I don't have a time machine. But if you go back and you listen or watch this episode again for the second time, you will know what we talked about. And you might think, hey, what was that thing? Where do I go? What do I click? Go to whistlekickmarshortsradio.com and you'll be able to click whatever that thing is that we talk about as we put up the links.
If you want to know all the things that we do to support you, the traditional martial artists of the world, please visit whistlekick.com for our events, our products, training programs, services for martial arts schools, much more. And you can always see me Jeremy at whistlekick.com. But Malia, you're here. Thank you for being here. How are you?
Sifu Malia Cropper (05:05.131)
I'm good. Sick from tournament, but I'll be okay.
Jeremy Lesniak (05:10.766)
You're sick from a tournament? Okay. really?
Sifu Malia Cropper (05:12.745)
Always. Never fails. Yeah. My doctor thinks that I'm autoimmune, but I'm like, pshh, whatevs.
Jeremy Lesniak (05:22.914)
Do you get worried and run down before a tournament and then after?
Sifu Malia Cropper (05:28.275)
Hmm after a term I'm not usually doing so good. I'm I'm always sick, but my my my body is what is needs help
Jeremy Lesniak (05:38.926)
So you're banged up, you're run down. Yeah, a few days. get it. Was it just this past weekend? Yeah, yeah, recording on Tuesday. So just a couple days from the weekend. How do you recover? you have, if you always get sick from a tournament, I'm guessing you have a protocol that you go through to get better.
Sifu Malia Cropper (05:41.813)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (05:54.194)
Sifu Malia Cropper (05:57.578)
elderberry, a ton of water obviously, sauna, naps as much as I can with not feeling great.
Jeremy Lesniak (06:08.888)
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (06:12.778)
Rest, fluids, elderberry.
Sifu Malia Cropper (06:15.366)
and try to just sweat it out and feel like I'm actually doing something besides just laying there dying.
Jeremy Lesniak (06:23.491)
And so what I heard was and not judging yourself If you're if you're listening and not watching you didn't see that facial expression that was you said a lot with that eye roll
I say it because I understand because I'm the same way. get so mad. When I get sick, I get so mad at myself because I'm not getting any work done. being sick is so unproductive. Forget about the fact that I feel terribly, right? the email's building up.
Sifu Malia Cropper (06:49.745)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (06:54.184)
But it's awesome. Yeah.
But it's also your body like just... Just chill, okay?
Jeremy Lesniak (07:04.238)
I'm pretty sure most of the time when I get sick, as my body's saying, you're not taking time off, so I'm just gonna make it happen for you. I'm gonna give you a socially acceptable excuse and a semi Jeremy acceptable excuse to take a break and stay in bed that day.
Sifu Malia Cropper (07:10.216)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (07:16.744)
you
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (07:23.886)
Do you do it sounds like you said you do tournaments often is that my reading between the lines on that?
Sifu Malia Cropper (07:30.542)
Yes, now, well, I was out with an injury and now this past week it was my first tournament back from that injury.
Jeremy Lesniak (07:39.19)
and how.
Sifu Malia Cropper (07:44.296)
Three years. Three years? Yeah. Yeah. But the injury needed time as much as I didn't want to give it time.
Jeremy Lesniak (07:47.992)
Three years? It's a long time.
Jeremy Lesniak (07:56.718)
Sure. Okay, I'm seeing a pattern here already.
what now? I don't, you and I have talked a little bit and even if we hadn't talked a little bit, I'm pretty sure that I would be able to draw this connection. You compete often, maybe not over the last three years, but prior to that, this was a thing that you did often. So I've got to imagine that doing something, you know, cause doing anything often and then not doing it and then starting to do it again. That's a big deal.
Sifu Malia Cropper (08:23.366)
Mm-hmm.
Jeremy Lesniak (08:34.114)
Was it tough getting back out there after a three year hiatus?
Sifu Malia Cropper (08:39.759)
Incredibly.
Jeremy Lesniak (08:41.068)
Hmm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (08:43.078)
Sorry, with the injury that I had, it honestly took more of my mental than anything. It put me in a very dark place for a long time. It was literally the nightmare of my, I mean the injury of my nightmares.
Jeremy Lesniak (09:07.896)
know, it's anybody who's had a significant injury. When they talk about it, initially, it's about the physical side of it. But once once that's dealt with, once there's a plan, once they, you know, they're not going to die or whatever, it seems like it becomes much more of a mental and emotional thing. And even the healing seems like it's much more mental and emotional.
Sifu Malia Cropper (09:27.227)
yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Jeremy Lesniak (09:31.678)
That was your experience too.
Sifu Malia Cropper (09:33.071)
yes, and I was still injured and I went to go compete. And you know, I grew up in tournaments so everyone around me is like, uncle, auntie, like that. And I walk into the tournament with my uniform and everyone's like, excuse me, why are you here?
I like, I'm gonna compete! No, we're not. This was 2000 and...
Jeremy Lesniak (09:58.968)
This is what they said this past weekend.
Sifu Malia Cropper (10:07.128)
The injury was three years ago and I didn't want to wait. I'm really bad with dates, sorry. But I was like, I've healed enough, let's go can B. Yes, and everyone's ex... No, I won, but I was not feeling great.
Jeremy Lesniak (10:13.6)
see. It's okay.
Jeremy Lesniak (10:19.628)
You tried to come back early and they weren't having it.
Jeremy Lesniak (10:31.868)
And then you took some more time off.
Sifu Malia Cropper (10:35.243)
My body forced me to take time off. It was bad.
Jeremy Lesniak (10:40.716)
Yeah, that sounds so here's the question. What was it? What was it about competing that you were willing to? Push through or ignore whatever we want to say about that injury. Why? Why? Why push so hard through that?
Sifu Malia Cropper (11:04.959)
show everyone that I can. More, I mean, to prove to myself that I can. That pain can't stop me. I'm very stubborn. And, you know, with every injury that I've had, I've competed with the injury for years until my body just said, you're done. And
With this one, just, it put me out so bad that I was scared and I've never been scared with an injury before.
Jeremy Lesniak (11:45.25)
Did that.
You said scared. So I'll say fear. Did that fear change anything for you? Did it change the way you trained? Did it change the way you competed? Did the way you looked at martial arts or yourself or your body?
Sifu Malia Cropper (12:03.104)
It changed everything. It changed my mental. It changed the way I view life. It changed the way I, it definitely changed the way I train.
fractured my spine in eight places.
Jeremy Lesniak (12:21.23)
I didn't want to ask what the injury was, but now you've put it on the table. Okay, you've fractured your spine in eight places? I ask? I'm gonna ask. You don't have to answer, but how did you do that?
Sifu Malia Cropper (12:32.602)
Yes, and...
Sifu Malia Cropper (12:39.584)
It's very drawn out.
Jeremy Lesniak (12:42.094)
That sounds like I went bungee jumping and the harness wasn't hooked on right. Like that sounds like a really significant, traumatic physical thing. That's not like always I slipped on the steps.
Sifu Malia Cropper (12:55.988)
Yeah, I was fighting in a tournament and I got, I got cracked a good one and it was my very first concussion. It was my very first like getting rocked hard, but
I didn't know what a concussion was like. I went to the doctor, you just need to lay there with your eyes closed for a week and just let your body heal. weeks and weeks and weeks were going on and I was not okay. Like I was, I looked like Batman. I couldn't.
Jeremy Lesniak (13:34.36)
That is the best visual.
Sifu Malia Cropper (13:38.911)
I was just, I was not doing good. And being who I am, was like, well, good enough, let's go train. And I would train and I would just drop to the floor, crying, screaming. yeah. Shooting pain, shooting pain in my upper back and my ribs.
Jeremy Lesniak (13:57.9)
because it hurt or your body didn't work or both or something.
Sifu Malia Cropper (14:09.224)
So was like, okay, sad train day, next day, train again, train, fall on the floor.
Jeremy Lesniak (14:15.502)
But it wasn't like that every day.
Sifu Malia Cropper (14:21.694)
Yeah, I'd hate to admit it.
Jeremy Lesniak (14:26.566)
Hey, there's no judgment to that, right? Like we've all, I don't think there's a martial artist out there that hasn't pushed themselves in a way that they wouldn't do it differently later on in life, right? Like I've got a few of those. So keep going.
Sifu Malia Cropper (14:26.942)
And so I went to,
Sifu Malia Cropper (14:40.103)
Yeah.
No.
Sifu Malia Cropper (14:46.866)
Well, with my other injuries that we'll probably talk about, I did the same thing, push through, push through, push through, push through. it's an owie, we'll be fine. Rub some dirt on it, keep training. And this one just kept dropping me, kept dropping me. And finally, it's three years of this. Finally, I, home alone, sat down on the couch and it.
It felt like my rib cage and my middle spine exploded. I dropped my phone. My phone's across, I, it's almost like I chucked it. I don't remember, but it was far. I'm sitting there, stuck like this, screaming for hours. No one was, no one was home, no nothing. And finally someone showed up. What's going on? I don't know. I can't move. I can't move my feet. I can't move my hands.
I'm hurting.
Sifu Malia Cropper (15:50.04)
Ice pack, he's in bad ibuprofen, white flour, you know.
did that for a little while and then I finally took myself to the doctor after I was able to move myself. we don't do...
Jeremy Lesniak (16:09.324)
You took yourself. Somebody else didn't take you? OK.
Sifu Malia Cropper (16:12.442)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (16:16.571)
And I went, we don't do MRIs today. Okay. Went, I took myself the next day. Go get MRIs, x-rays. You are factured in eight places. How are you walking right now?
Yeah. And that turned my world upside down.
Jeremy Lesniak (16:41.454)
How, so go back to that concussion. How? I don't know how to finish the question, how? How do we go from, because when you talk about being injured along your spine in that way, that makes me think you were picked up and, know, hooked across the room. That doesn't sound like what I would expect from a typical sparring injury.
Sifu Malia Cropper (16:44.186)
Mm-hmm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (17:08.922)
I think it's just the way that my neck cranked all the way back
Jeremy Lesniak (17:13.91)
Okay, so spinal compression. Okay, that makes sense.
Sifu Malia Cropper (17:14.978)
Mm-hmm. yeah. And,
In the league that we were fighting in, there's no face contact, but you know, we're black belts. We wail on each other. That's just, that's what we do. But my center said that he didn't even realize that I got hit so hard because I kept fighting. And I don't know, that's just who I am, I guess, but it, it cranked me back. And you know, it happens. It just, my body magically was, you know,
This is the land!
Jeremy Lesniak (17:56.527)
I want to go to that moment where you're sitting on the couch and you said your hands and your feet aren't working you're in pain and you're screaming and you're alone
Jeremy Lesniak (18:08.65)
Most martial artists, we get to this place fairly early where we're proud of what our body can do, where we're impressed at the physical skills that we gain and the progress we've made in developing those physical skills. And there's a lot of identity that can get wrapped up in it. I'm a martial artist. I can do these things. Now you said you were sitting there for hours like that. What were you thinking about?
Sifu Malia Cropper (18:25.871)
my god,
Sifu Malia Cropper (18:37.878)
guess it wasn't I almost had to disassociate because I felt I felt like a little girl like in a pit of wolves I was fear just complete fear of
Sifu Malia Cropper (18:57.717)
I know, it was, I felt lost without even knowing what was really happening.
It was pure fear, and just like a little girl just helped me. And I'm not a person to really ask for help. And in that moment I was.
Jeremy Lesniak (19:20.046)
I'm going to guess you have a hard time accepting it too.
Sifu Malia Cropper (19:23.205)
Jeremy Lesniak (19:25.486)
I'm getting a picture. We're learning about who you are. It is worth the effort. can say that as someone who is also walking that path. Not easy.
Sifu Malia Cropper (19:30.007)
working on it! I'm working on it!
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (19:37.911)
Mm.
Jeremy Lesniak (19:42.456)
So you find out about these fractures from this injury, this thing that you love doing.
Sifu Malia Cropper (19:47.606)
Mm-hmm.
Jeremy Lesniak (19:50.286)
I don't normally say this when someone has an injury. People tend to overstate their injuries, but your body was broken. You weren't just banged up. That's, I mean, literally broken, fractured, right? What's going through your head when they're going over the results of that MRI?
Sifu Malia Cropper (19:57.332)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (20:04.854)
Yeah. Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (20:17.984)
done.
Jeremy Lesniak (20:20.462)
Done with what? You thought it was over.
Sifu Malia Cropper (20:20.694)
martial arts and you know yeah but also
Since I was 16 years old, people have been telling me to retire.
That sounds weird. I know. Hearing that as a teenager? Yes. From competition. People have been telling me to retire since I was a teenager. And in my head, because clearly I'm not the nicest to myself, I was like, you know what? Everybody gets their wish.
Jeremy Lesniak (20:37.678)
From competition or from training or okay?
Sifu Malia Cropper (20:54.185)
I'm done. You win.
That was the first day. That was first day. I let myself have that sad day.
Jeremy Lesniak (21:02.894)
You had one pity party day. And what was day two?
Sifu Malia Cropper (21:05.311)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (21:08.725)
How do I fix this? Where do I, I need PT, where do I go, what's the next step, so what are we doing? Come on, chop chop, we got things to do.
Sifu Malia Cropper (21:24.018)
And.
That was a... I've done PT a lot. And this one was mentally... Just a lot. And frustrating. Frustrating.
Jeremy Lesniak (21:44.59)
I'll ask you a question I've never asked anybody, but this is kind of interesting. know, well, not everybody, but most martial arts schools, when we look at rank advancement, you know, we're looking at developing skills and increasing knowledge and...
developing an ability to build some resilience against not just what happens within our training, but life. And in a lot of schools, a black belt is a transitional point where the expectation of that test is you can look at that test and say, I did this very hard thing. We've had folks on the show talk about multi-day, even week long black belt tests.
Sifu Malia Cropper (22:23.761)
Mm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (22:29.875)
Mm-hmm.
Jeremy Lesniak (22:30.289)
you know 48 hours without sleep all these crazy things kind of makes mine seem seem trivial in comparison
Jeremy Lesniak (22:43.47)
But I wonder...
Was this injury your actual black belt test?
Sifu Malia Cropper (22:52.69)
Mmm
Sifu Malia Cropper (22:56.732)
You know, I don't really feel like I deserved it. But, injury.
Jeremy Lesniak (23:00.334)
Sure, okay. I'm not suggesting that. But I'm just, I'm wondering because you grew up, right? You grew up with martial arts. You started super, didn't you start at like three or something ridiculous? Isn't that what I remember?
Sifu Malia Cropper (23:13.893)
yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (23:19.314)
One parent says four. The other parent says five and a half. Regardless, I turned 33 this year. So we got time.
Jeremy Lesniak (23:26.958)
Okay, so, okay, so you started super early and martial art, were around martial arts before that, you're connected to martial arts in a variety of ways. And I'm going to, I'm just gonna make a guess here that...
Because of that immersion, some of the things that other people might develop as they're building up to blackmail came a little bit more naturally to you than others.
Sifu Malia Cropper (24:08.794)
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (24:09.674)
Maybe the expectations were a little higher, but it was still, this is, this is who I am. This is what I do.
Sifu Malia Cropper (24:15.576)
Yes.
Jeremy Lesniak (24:19.342)
But this injury, and this is why I said, I've not, this isn't something I've ever asked of anyone before, because it's never, the questions never occurred to me.
Jeremy Lesniak (24:31.586)
This is, but it's a story, right? If, I don't know if you've ever read Way of the Peaceful Warrior, Dan Millman, bunch of people out there have, he's been on the show, but he talks about this experience where as a gymnast, he got into a motorcycle accident and was supposedly done with life and what that transition was for him working through that. it's.
This is reminding me of that. no, here's this thing. This whole of my identity is wrapped up in my ability to do these things, to go to tournaments, you know, crush it. And now not only am I not crushing it, I'm not standing.
Sifu Malia Cropper (25:01.668)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (25:10.575)
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (25:14.904)
But the way you said pity party was day one, I'm using my words, but day one and day two, okay, now I'm gonna figure it out. I've known people who have had these sorts of injuries. That's not how most people look at it. Even if they do wrap their heads around, I'm gonna find a way forward. That's not day two.
Sifu Malia Cropper (25:39.566)
Mm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (25:43.704)
don't like feeling sorry for myself and I don't like people feeling sorry for me because then I almost feel guilty that they feel bad for me. Yeah, the injury like sucks really bad, but don't feel bad for me. I will handle it. I will think there's a way for everything. Everything will work. It has to. It just has to.
And I mean, I just competed so it worked.
Jeremy Lesniak (26:21.144)
was your... so we've talked a lot about your... how you operate as it relates to external forces, what other people think, see, say. What was your self-talk during this PT?
Sifu Malia Cropper (26:37.293)
during the actual PT.
Jeremy Lesniak (26:39.806)
just the the period of time of PT not necessarily at the appointments but rebelliousness and an insistence on proving other people wrong for most people can only take them so far. I'm guessing there was more than that for you.
Sifu Malia Cropper (26:58.377)
Mm-hmm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (27:03.34)
Hey.
I have to keep going. have too many... I have little eyes. Little kids.
Jeremy Lesniak (27:09.966)
Why did you have to?
Sifu Malia Cropper (27:17.27)
who look up to me, but I cannot give up. I just cannot. And you know, I often think about little Malia. Would little Malia be proud of this? Would little Malia make fun of me for doing this thing? Would little Malia be sad if I just stopped? And answer is yes. And you know, I walk into a tournament and I...
Most of the time, first thing I hear is, Auntie, Auntie, from kids of all different schools. don't get, I don't get any of that, it's Auntie. And I've had little girls come up to me, can I take a picture with you? Of course. You wanna do this one, you wanna do this one, what do you wanna do? And whenever I'm hurt, I have to remember that, you know,
I can do this, but somebody else might not be able to and I want to be their shining light. I want to let them know, know, like it may suck right now, but it will always get better even just 1%.
Jeremy Lesniak (28:34.508)
Because you can, have to, have an obligation.
Sifu Malia Cropper (28:36.286)
I have to. I don't know why I have to. It's just a driving force. I have to.
Jeremy Lesniak (28:43.287)
Does that apply to other aspects of your life? Yeah. okay. Met with laughter. Maybe there's a detour there we can take. How does this attitude and the spirit of yours show up in non-martial aspects of your life?
Sifu Malia Cropper (28:45.46)
Yes.
Sifu Malia Cropper (29:03.334)
I suffer with anxiety badly and depression and posture syndrome, object permanence. My mental health has, it's a lot. And you know, I don't want to let my own brain stop me from doing things that I know I need to do.
Like dude, you're supposed to be on my team. So, you know, I'm gonna just, I'm just gonna do it. Just do it.
Jeremy Lesniak (29:38.046)
I laugh out of understanding. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing it out of understanding. Yeah. It's just such a succinct way to put it. Dude, you're supposed to be on my team. Like, yeah. Like, stop. Why are you getting in the way? We're in this together. If you bring me down, it brings you down too.
Sifu Malia Cropper (29:40.766)
No, it's fine. I would laugh back.
Sifu Malia Cropper (29:49.054)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (29:54.408)
Yeah. And it's especially like, you know, I actually want to do this thing. Why are you? Why?
Jeremy Lesniak (30:09.324)
I've got to imagine that through the injury, mental health, maybe not the entire time was a struggle, but overall, probably not the healthiest time in your life. But what about now? What about having come out of that? What about how you're feeling a few days out of this tournament doing maybe not the thing, but a thing that you love.
Sifu Malia Cropper (30:20.106)
Okay.
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (30:35.886)
in a successful way when for now more than half of your life people have been telling you to stop doing it. You feeling good?
Sifu Malia Cropper (30:44.414)
Mm-hmm. I.
Sifu Malia Cropper (30:51.489)
feel this is gonna be so weird to say I almost feel like I'm saved
Jeremy Lesniak (31:05.101)
Alright, keep going.
Sifu Malia Cropper (31:06.992)
Hi.
I had to dig so deep with this injury. I almost thought that there was no more digging. I wanted to be done. I'm done, I'm tired. I've had to, I've had, my injuries have been bad. And this, just this one, I was like, I'm tired. I still have to keep going, but you know what?
I'm not digging anymore. picking up pebbles and what else? What else? So after, but after this weekend is like, you know, I did it.
Jeremy Lesniak (31:45.134)
but you were still going.
Sifu Malia Cropper (31:53.392)
We made it. When I really.
I didn't want to be done. I really did not want to be done, but I almost was like, you in.
this weekend was like no no we win knock that off we win we got this just keep on trucking
Jeremy Lesniak (32:21.038)
Are you gonna keep competing? Why?
Sifu Malia Cropper (32:22.962)
yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (32:31.279)
I don't do it for the awards. I truly don't. I can go build the trophy myself. I can go to the Dollar Tree. Dollar Tree has medals, I can just go snatch one of those.
Jeremy Lesniak (32:35.234)
didn't do so.
Sifu Malia Cropper (32:47.053)
I do it.
To make myself feel like I matter almost in a sense of like all that work that you did alone, all that mental battle that you went through alone.
All the everything that you did alone. Here you go. You did this. You did this by yourself.
Jeremy Lesniak (33:25.868)
You know, the...
A lot of times when.
when I meet somebody who grows up in a something, right? That the people around them, family, et cetera, are, whether it's martial arts and it's a kid that grows up in a school or maybe it's a business, a successful business and the kid grows up around the business, it's a family business. I think a lot of times there is, whether it's other people thinking this or the person thinking other people think this, it's this, well, you had an advantage.
You had a leg up. had, you know, maybe you had something that other people didn't and there's maybe some guilt around that or some wondering and what, okay. That reaction tells me that there's something there, okay. But I'll finish my thought. Nobody can look at what you went through and say, well, she had an advantage. You were, you, the,
Sifu Malia Cropper (34:29.783)
In what sense do you?
Jeremy Lesniak (34:30.222)
Somebody hit the reset button on your body. You had to start from scratch. And you went through all that and then you did the thing again.
Sifu Malia Cropper (34:40.642)
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (34:42.926)
There's no doubt there. Maybe you have it, but me on the outside, I'm going, well, clearly she's really good at what she does.
Sifu Malia Cropper (34:51.201)
But I wouldn't be good at what I do without the upbringing that I had in the martial art world. I definitely did not have a normal childhood at all. And for a long time, I didn't know that.
Sifu Malia Cropper (35:14.369)
I did not. I was just... I'm surrounded by all these really cool people that want to take care of me and teach me all everything and yay!
Sifu Malia Cropper (35:27.221)
Yeah, I see everyone the same.
I don't put one person above another.
Sifu Malia Cropper (35:39.626)
So to know my childhood, my lineage, and look at it today, it's like, did I have an advantage? And you know, I do feel guilt. Like I was treated special when someone else wasn't. I mean, I don't know. I definitely didn't grow up normal. And that mindset formed
the person that I am.
the fighting drive, I think.
Jeremy Lesniak (36:20.214)
I for a lot of us, we take a look at where we are. I think most people have something about their upbringing that they look at and recognize not everyone had this, whether it was you had opportunities that other people didn't have, or even some people, and I've got a little bit of this, where
didn't have a lot and it created this this hunger this drive that other people didn't have a chance to develop because they had they had more right it's when when we look at what we have and and the advantages that we have i think it's easy to get to a point and say what would what would life have been without that who would i be without that and and i think what you're saying about that is pretty natural
Sifu Malia Cropper (36:58.909)
Mm-hmm.
Jeremy Lesniak (37:07.778)
At least I understand it. I resonate with what you're saying there. But at the same time, the way you're talking, you described as little eyes, right? Like I could just see that you walking in the tournament, like little eyes, little kids who, if they're running up to you, they clearly think well of you, which means you're putting in time and with them you're giving back.
Sifu Malia Cropper (37:22.289)
Mm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (37:27.282)
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (37:33.762)
Doesn't that balance out at some point for you?
Sifu Malia Cropper (37:36.904)
What do you mean?
Jeremy Lesniak (37:38.094)
Well, you said, you if you're feeling you said guilt, right? Like the word guilt, right? Like if you're feeling guilty about what you had that maybe others didn't, but you're using it to give back, doesn't that balance out? You're giving back in a way that not everyone could.
Sifu Malia Cropper (37:43.377)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (37:57.373)
I mean...
don't really know. I just-
I know what it feels like to not feel good. And so I put my whole heart into everything.
Sometimes that gets me into trouble. Sometimes I get myself hurt.
Sifu Malia Cropper (38:26.141)
I know. don't, I wouldn't... I think my upbringing, I wasn't privileged from it. So I don't know where the guilt stems from. But I do use that guilt to give... I don't want a little kid to ever feel like how my brain has felt. So I guess it does balance it out. I still feel guilty.
But I do, I do, I don't know. I see little Malia in kids and I just, I want them.
To know that they can do it. Regardless of everything.
because that's important. They're the next gen.
Jeremy Lesniak (39:25.442)
Why did people want you to stop competing when you were 16?
Sifu Malia Cropper (39:34.523)
Do you want me to tell you what they were saying?
Jeremy Lesniak (39:39.094)
I want to know what you can tell me what they were saying. But you asking that question tells me that you think there's a different reason.
Sifu Malia Cropper (39:49.531)
As a 16 year old girl, was hearing, Maliya's too fat, she needs to retire. Maliya's too old, 16, needs to retire. Maliya's slow, she needs to retire. Maliya's this, Maliya's that, Maliya da da da da da da needs to be done. But you know, at that age, I wasn't losing.
I wasn't.
Sifu Malia Cropper (40:20.473)
I don't know, jealousy and I don't know, just I don't understand that emotion honestly. Because to me, if I don't have it, I can get it. If I don't get it, it wasn't meant for me.
So this whole jealousy thing, as a teenager, of Malia needs to retire is like...
What?
Jeremy Lesniak (40:54.86)
It wasn't there and I'm assuming I don't know any of the people who were telling you this, but my guess is they saw what you were going to turn into and they wanted to take you off the chessboard. That's my guess.
Sifu Malia Cropper (40:59.672)
Mm-hmm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (41:12.29)
I mean...
Jeremy Lesniak (41:12.898)
Because I've seen that before I've seen I've seen people that are doing well and Those around them if it you know if you're if you're if you're a school owner and you're bringing people to tournaments, know your students are coming to tournaments and you see someone who is Absolutely gonna decimate them now or in the near future And you're a school that maybe puts a lot of pride and competitive success
that doesn't always breed the healthiest competitive attitudes. I'd love to say that all martial arts schools have healthy attitudes towards competition, but you know, both know it's not true. So, yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (41:50.934)
but you know we're still all human.
Sifu Malia Cropper (41:57.496)
That's actually around that time is whenever I hurt my knee badly. It happened. I want to say that I was
I think I was 16, 17 against a girl that truly did not like me at all. She was one of the ones that had lots of lip, lots to say.
Jeremy Lesniak (42:33.23)
I'm sure you were just quiet and didn't say anything back.
Sifu Malia Cropper (42:41.942)
It's not that like I don't I'm not gonna talk smack back to you. I'm not gonna give you I'm not gonna give you that I don't care but I'm gonna tell you what you're doing wrong and Why? Why are you saying stuff about me when you're the one doing it? anyways, she we were fighting against each other in tournament and she full-on side kicked me in the knee and I fell into one of the score keeping tables and you know,
It was dramatic. All the stuff fell off. And since that, my knee was not good. And for years and years and years, I kept training on brand training, kept training, kept training and kept competing. Sometimes I would drop in pain.
Just keep trucking. We caught this and it was, it was Chinese new year. my, my, school, we did a demo at the Chinese gardens in downtown Portland. And I went to drop down into a horse stance and everyone that had come to watch us that I knew said that they could hear my knee explode from across the.
Oh my lord. It was...
Jeremy Lesniak (44:06.328)
one.
Jeremy Lesniak (44:10.542)
doesn't sound pleasant at all.
Sifu Malia Cropper (44:12.584)
But finished it out, limped my way off, and...
There it was.
Jeremy Lesniak (44:23.63)
There's a way to measure pain tolerance. I would love to see how you score. I don't think I can do the things you're doing. okay.
Sifu Malia Cropper (44:30.514)
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Injury, we got this, let's keep going. Railing my hip on the corner of the bed. I'm dead, man down.
Sifu Malia Cropper (44:46.836)
That's me.
Sifu Malia Cropper (44:54.42)
That was that injury though that one I had to have surgery for that one
Jeremy Lesniak (45:04.418)
Did you spar her again after that? No. That was the last time you sparred her.
Sifu Malia Cropper (45:07.154)
No. Mm-mm. Yeah. I don't remember. I don't know her story. I can't speak for her, but I don't remember ever spying her again.
Sifu Malia Cropper (45:28.616)
That's not even my first injury. That's not even my first surgery.
Jeremy Lesniak (45:40.61)
figured how I want to ask this question. What does injury mean to you? Because you're laughing about it a little bit, but obviously it's not funny. You're not going out there saying, hey, please kick me in the knee. Please break my spine. You're not doing it you're out of joy. And I'm sure that.
Sifu Malia Cropper (45:47.11)
Mm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (45:55.803)
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (46:05.07)
you know, if you've been injured a few times, it's not as impactful as it might be to someone the first time. They're not used to the process of recovery because it is a process. It is something you can get used to. I'm dealing with a hip thing right now, you know, not nearly as severe as either of those things, but you know, working through it. And yeah, there's a there's a mindset. Okay, I've got to do this. I've got to do that. I've got to not do this and that. And, you know, it will it will improve.
But it almost sounds like for you, and I might be putting words in your mouth and I apologize if I'm way off base. Injury is an inevitable part of your martial arts training journey.
Sifu Malia Cropper (46:52.847)
It's a part of everything, don't you think?
Jeremy Lesniak (46:56.822)
Everybody looks at it differently. tell me what that means. Tell me what that inevitable aspect of injury is.
Sifu Malia Cropper (47:05.828)
We're human.
People, my gosh, I don't know how many times in my life, people have like, you're a black belt, you must not feel pain, or you're a black belt, boom, punch me in the arm. Ow, but you're a black belt. Why are you saying ow? I'm a human.
I still get how he's doing like...
But to me, injury, I guess to me injury is something that actually puts me down to where I actually have to fix it. Jammed fingers, busted lip, don't know, dojo toe, dojo jam toe. it's not, yeah. We, we've been saying that since I was little. Dojo toe is when you jam your toe at the heart of the mat.
Jeremy Lesniak (47:47.884)
Dojo Toe? What's Dojo Toe?
Jeremy Lesniak (48:00.84)
Like the gaps? The gaps in the math? Okay. Now, I've had that happen. Plenty of people have had I've never heard it called Tojo Toh. I like it. It kind of rhymes.
Sifu Malia Cropper (48:02.168)
Yeah! Yeah!
Sifu Malia Cropper (48:09.808)
Yeah, when you bust your toe up in the dojo, jam, whatever, dojo toe. Let me tape it up real quick, done. It's handled.
Sifu Malia Cropper (48:26.028)
But with those, they don't put me out. I can tape up, I can ice, can, what else, tins, roll it out. But whenever it comes to the big ones, that actually make me have to slow down is those are my injuries. Those are the ones that actually, not saying that you don't have to take care of the other ones, but these are the ones that you have to really, okay, I'm hurt.
Jeremy Lesniak (49:06.53)
What do you do with this skill set? How do you take, because let's talk to a lot of people. Most people don't get injured this much. Most people don't develop the resilience to come back from injuries this much. I suspect if we just looked at your medical charts, I would assume you were a cell performer.
Sifu Malia Cropper (49:33.773)
You wanna say what?
Jeremy Lesniak (49:35.246)
that you were a stunt performer. Right? folks came in. Not that bad.
Sifu Malia Cropper (49:43.499)
Okay, I have shattered my ankle, I've shattered my kneecap, and I fractured my spine. Okay? That's the big one.
Jeremy Lesniak (49:55.502)
OK. Maybe we roll in different circles, but when you put those three things together in one bucket, that's a big deal. One of those is a pretty big deal. All three of them is a very big deal.
Sifu Malia Cropper (50:07.042)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (50:12.812)
I mean, I'm here! Present! I made it! I dug out. I'm here.
Jeremy Lesniak (50:21.272)
Sure, sure. And I suspect that you can dig out from anything, right? If you can do that, you can do anything, right? Which again, I kind of come back to this idea of, know, are these, this most recent injury, is this your black belt test, so to speak? Is it your transitional point into realizing you can accomplish?
anything. So if you have that ability to do anything and you know you have that ability to do anything, what do you do?
Sifu Malia Cropper (50:57.343)
I mean, I guess it gives me more reassurance than anything.
But what does being a black belt mean?
Sifu Malia Cropper (51:16.223)
Dig out.
Sifu Malia Cropper (51:22.399)
wouldn't say save yourself, but like...
Be, be, be who, I don't know how to word this, be who little you needs. Would little you be proud of this person?
Does, yes, we hold rank, but did this rank make you a person that if little you was standing in front of you, all doe-eyed, would that person feel safe with you? Would that person hold your hand and walk with you? Would that person be like, if I have an owie, I'm going to them?
Sifu Malia Cropper (52:09.881)
That's what it means to me. I don't know how to put that words exactly, but does little you...
Sifu Malia Cropper (52:21.16)
Does little you love you?
Did your rank put you into a place where little you would love you?
Almost self-love. Yes, self-love.
Jeremy Lesniak (52:35.726)
So if you're thinking about this in this way, in this hindsight, and honestly, this is a question I ask myself, what did little Jeremy need? Who did he need around him? And working hard to be that person for myself now. And so that makes complete sense. But I think we can also take that dynamic and flip it into the future. So who do you want to become?
Sifu Malia Cropper (52:49.211)
Mm-hmm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (53:00.412)
And right now.
Jeremy Lesniak (53:02.476)
Well, let's say we do this again in 20 years. And I say, hey, well, yeah, what's gone on in the last two decades? What do you want to tell me? What are you hoping you would tell me?
Sifu Malia Cropper (53:18.009)
I found peace.
Sifu Malia Cropper (53:22.106)
Not happiness. Not-
I won the lotto. da da. Peace.
And that's what martial arts truly gives me in every aspect.
Jeremy Lesniak (53:46.99)
to stop competing? Do you see a day where you retire from competition?
Sifu Malia Cropper (53:59.288)
No, but.
I would want to retire doing it myself. I don't want the sport to retire me.
I want to do it on my own accord. want to know you. I want to be able tell myself you did it.
It's time to breathe now. You did it. You
Sifu Malia Cropper (54:38.406)
I think the day that I truly do feel proud of myself, then I will know that it's okay to be done.
Sifu Malia Cropper (54:49.988)
I know it sounds really sad.
Jeremy Lesniak (54:50.542)
No, sad is sad isn't the word that I'm thinking of. And I'm actually not even going to plug a word in there. But I will say that I'm going to guess that the only person in your equation that isn't proud of you is you. If that's the threshold, that's a mirror exercise. That's not right. Like
Sifu Malia Cropper (55:17.318)
How much do I pay you for this session?
Jeremy Lesniak (55:17.6)
I'm proud of you.
Jeremy Lesniak (55:23.746)
You know, they do drift in this direction at times.
Jeremy Lesniak (55:34.188)
Because of what I do with Whistlekick and because of what I want Whistlekick to do in the martial arts space as it impacts the world, it becomes really easy for me to look at someone and say, is this person representing martial arts in a positive way or not? And you are, and that makes me proud of you because you and I share something in common that we value martial arts and we're out there and we're fighting the good fight, sometimes more literally than others.
Sifu Malia Cropper (55:50.532)
Mm.
Jeremy Lesniak (56:03.486)
And that makes me proud of you in the same way that I'm proud of anyone who's out there doing it in the way that I'm trying to be proud of myself. So I get it, right? Like, when am I done? it feels like I'm time to, when it's time to be done. People have asked me a little more recently, this might click for you.
Sifu Malia Cropper (56:15.793)
Mm-hmm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (56:24.996)
Mm-hmm.
Jeremy Lesniak (56:32.226)
you about how much I'm trying to do. I tell them, look, like I'm going to live to be like 250 because there's too much work for me to do. I can't die until there's until it's done. And that's not going to happen in the next 20, 30 years. There's too much to do.
Sifu Malia Cropper (56:36.996)
You
Sifu Malia Cropper (56:42.094)
Yeah.
Sifu Malia Cropper (56:47.769)
Yeah.
There's too much to do, but I'm
Sifu Malia Cropper (56:55.842)
I'm trying not to make myself panic, I guess. I'm not trying to take there's too much to do and make it want me to rush forward. That's not what I want. This is the calmest I've ever been in my life, right? Currently in this state and time, I am so calm and it's nice and it makes me want
It makes me want to keep going.
Sifu Malia Cropper (57:33.184)
It's nice. This totally didn't go in the direction I thought it was gonna go at all. I have notes.
Jeremy Lesniak (57:40.366)
I told you we probably weren't going to use them. We rarely end up with... I've had people send me their notes before. They're like, all right, here. What do you want to talk about? you filled out that form. sometimes people, sometimes it's, I don't know, whatever. Sometimes people, kind of like you. A couple of things I think you mentioned, your injuries on the form.
Sifu Malia Cropper (57:49.419)
I know.
Sifu Malia Cropper (58:03.713)
Bleh.
Jeremy Lesniak (58:04.366)
And then we get other people and it's like, here's my 42 point plan of what I want to discuss. And I look at it and I go, great, we'll see what happens. Because that's not how, I don't sit there with a, I don't have anything with a clipboard, but I don't sit there with a, okay. In 1987, when you were, this thing happened and,
Sifu Malia Cropper (58:10.819)
they're more like...
Sifu Malia Cropper (58:22.274)
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (58:30.764)
Tell me about it, right? Because it's already out there, you
Sifu Malia Cropper (58:34.262)
Yeah.
Jeremy Lesniak (58:38.35)
I want to know the why. I don't want to know the what. And that's what we talked about today. We talked about the why. We talked about your why. Because I think that that is...
Jeremy Lesniak (58:54.478)
In our world today, we talk about the what and we talk about the who and the when. Sometimes we talk about the how. We don't really talk about the why, and I think the why is the most important part. Because if it is, it is, but the better I can understand your why, the more I can learn about myself and the more I can draw inspiration and the more I can take lessons and become better. And I think that that's a big part of what we do with this show is.
Sifu Malia Cropper (59:01.919)
Mm-hmm.
Sifu Malia Cropper (59:06.781)
Why is hard to figure out?
Jeremy Lesniak (59:24.462)
telling the why. Because it's the part that you can't get in 30 second sound bites. That's why these episodes are an hour or three sometimes. Usually not more than 90 minutes, but we've gone longer than that because sometimes the why takes that long to say.
Sifu Malia Cropper (59:49.055)
You gon' make me cry.
Jeremy Lesniak (59:51.118)
You wouldn't be the first person. I've cried on this show. I've cried on this show multiple. There, I'm thinking of an episode now before we were video where I had to mute the microphone because I was basically bawling. Somebody telling a story, telling a story about kids. I just, it was just, it was such a beautiful story.
Sifu Malia Cropper (59:56.991)
Thank
Sifu Malia Cropper (01:00:08.158)
Yeah.
It's impossible for me when it comes to kids. It's hard not to get emotional.
Kids deserve everything. They deserve the world. They didn't ask to be here.
Sifu Malia Cropper (01:00:30.619)
They deserve everything.
Jeremy Lesniak (01:00:35.534)
So if some of those kids are watching right now, some of those little eyes turn into little ears, Maybe they're watching in the future. Maybe they're not little anymore. Maybe they find this 10 years from now and they're older. What would you hope they were taking away from our conversation?
Sifu Malia Cropper (01:00:37.181)
Thank
gosh.
Sifu Malia Cropper (01:00:58.525)
No matter how dark your world is, no matter how dark your brain gets, no matter how
how deep that endless hole is. Don't stop. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. It's so hard sometimes to just dig. It's so hard. But you just, cannot stop. Even if it's just, even if you just did one thing today, even if you just did an X-Block, even if you just went for a walk, just anything, don't stop.
Stop. And don't let anything stop you from doing what your heart feels is right.
It's... The heart's never wrong. It's just not. If you... If you... Know deep down in your heart that...
Something is calling you to this do it if you want if you want to be a ninja turtle do it if you want if you want to be an astronaut if you want if you want to do anything just don't stop and don't let other people and whatever projections and Internal battles their internal battles don't stop
Sifu Malia Cropper (01:02:36.002)
Ever. You can't.